Paintball
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20110506
Paintball
5 am Saturday morning. Joe wakes up from his not asleep dormant mode. He goes to the toilet and produces several black babies with Asian water. He then thoroughly brushes his teeth with sperm and gets them nice and shiny. As he returns to his room he finds the most "Rocky Balboa" looking outfit with the most horrible shoes to wear to paintball.
Successful
He wakes up his father at 6:30 and goes to pick up his friend. His father drops Joe and his friend off at the Birthday boys house. The Birthday boy is having an 18th birthday party at paintball. Joe has never experienced paintball and like a cocky fool acts tough unafraid, while those with experience warn him otherwise. The group drives to paintball and wait outside as they sign in. Joe's testicles are frozen solid due to the unbearable morning cold and continues to humping his largest male friend in attempt to regain heat in his numbed limbs (namely all of them).
Failed
His balls sadly remained frozen all day and his penis was to find an even worse fate. Anyway, after waiting so long, we put on our shotgun proof goggles and our thin army style overall for the paintball. Our body was exposed beyond that thing cloth, and our neck and hands were completely exposed. Ignorant Joe continued his arrogance. We walk in a pick up our guns, we load it with the bullets and have a test fire on some dummies. Mother fucker the bullets went at 1429342349 km/ph (888 152 160 m/ph). Yet Joe continued to be brave as the soldier he is. We enter the field, over 60 people, split into two teams, two bases, one river, three bridges, and some barrels, trees and sandbags for covers. Rambo Joe decides to walk in bravely fearing no pain, he crosses the bridge alone... 4 shots to the neck, a pain so strong, his body rejected it and only released seal like sound. Like a dying whale actually. When I realised wtf had happened and how much I was hurt from those bullets I turned back, pounced into the base and prevented tears from controlling my weak innocent soul.
Failed
But I was a man, I had to do what a man had to do. I got up, manned up and went back in like a true soldier...
Our team lost, I was shot a further 6 times in the back, cursing paintball and everyone who invited me to this shit I walked out as the round finished. After regaining sanity to what I had experience, I was ready to go back in and fuck shit up! So we went for the second round, Hurray. It was like just many different wooden barriers, and we were all in the open moving up slowly. I was left with 2 guys against 11, so I went Rambo. I ninja'd a guy from behind and shot him 3 times from point blank, then I looked infront and so 10 guns pointed at me. HEHE, I did the obvious thing and SHOT AS MANY MOTHER FUCKERS AS I COULD WHILE GETTING SHOT THE FUCK OUT. So I went out but took 4 guys down. My neck couldn't move, my back was paralysed, my leg disabled but I was pumped.
Successful
Our second last round was one of my worst. It was a field with tires everywhere and cars, the tires had gaps which I thought would be impossible to shoot through. I was wrong. It started and I was skipping acting pimp, I got shot in the neck and dropped dead. I got up and ran behind the tired looking for revenge. I found the bitch, shot her, she was supposed to go out, but she raged, ran at me, and shot me point blank in the back. I looked at her with a tear in my eye. I went from 120 bullets to 0 so fast! I never saw her again that day.
So the final round, was the most deadly. It was just our group. We had like 200 ammo each left, we went on an open field, and it was just a free for all. So he blew the whistle and we spread out, he blew the second whistle and mother fucker I got shot in the goggles before it went off, I was blind, I ran into a tree, 3 of the mother fuckers attack me, unloaded all the remaining bullets on me, as I got up and attempted to sprint only to fall numb from emotion and feeling. I thought, oh what the hell, I got up, and try to use what was left before I cried, the birthday upgraded machine gun dick came, unloaded on my front, my penis was hit, I used insults so bad! I didn't know they existed.
So anyway, at the hospital, I was taken in for the doctor to look at my limp bleeding piece of meat. Lucky for me it was a female ... So she touches it and the thing is, it hurt so fucking much , I was just gonna kick her in her non-existent testicles with my no longer functioning leg. So after a while the bleeding stopped, she gave me some medicine, told me to rest. I asked her to inspect my penis again whenever she wants, she refused (No jokes!).
She didn't refuse
AHAH no jokes.
So anyway, I'm sitting here, my neck won't turn, I'm typing with -5 of my usual typing fingers, my back is more cratered than the moon, my genital area will not be fertile for many springs to come, my left breast went from a -A cup to a D cup, my legs have become useless other than for decoration, my ass shits thickshakes, and I just want say. Fuck paintball, fuck all this shit.
I'm getting some Malibu and P-Juice bitches...
Successful
He wakes up his father at 6:30 and goes to pick up his friend. His father drops Joe and his friend off at the Birthday boys house. The Birthday boy is having an 18th birthday party at paintball. Joe has never experienced paintball and like a cocky fool acts tough unafraid, while those with experience warn him otherwise. The group drives to paintball and wait outside as they sign in. Joe's testicles are frozen solid due to the unbearable morning cold and continues to humping his largest male friend in attempt to regain heat in his numbed limbs (namely all of them).
Failed
His balls sadly remained frozen all day and his penis was to find an even worse fate. Anyway, after waiting so long, we put on our shotgun proof goggles and our thin army style overall for the paintball. Our body was exposed beyond that thing cloth, and our neck and hands were completely exposed. Ignorant Joe continued his arrogance. We walk in a pick up our guns, we load it with the bullets and have a test fire on some dummies. Mother fucker the bullets went at 1429342349 km/ph (888 152 160 m/ph). Yet Joe continued to be brave as the soldier he is. We enter the field, over 60 people, split into two teams, two bases, one river, three bridges, and some barrels, trees and sandbags for covers. Rambo Joe decides to walk in bravely fearing no pain, he crosses the bridge alone... 4 shots to the neck, a pain so strong, his body rejected it and only released seal like sound. Like a dying whale actually. When I realised wtf had happened and how much I was hurt from those bullets I turned back, pounced into the base and prevented tears from controlling my weak innocent soul.
Failed
But I was a man, I had to do what a man had to do. I got up, manned up and went back in like a true soldier...
Our team lost, I was shot a further 6 times in the back, cursing paintball and everyone who invited me to this shit I walked out as the round finished. After regaining sanity to what I had experience, I was ready to go back in and fuck shit up! So we went for the second round, Hurray. It was like just many different wooden barriers, and we were all in the open moving up slowly. I was left with 2 guys against 11, so I went Rambo. I ninja'd a guy from behind and shot him 3 times from point blank, then I looked infront and so 10 guns pointed at me. HEHE, I did the obvious thing and SHOT AS MANY MOTHER FUCKERS AS I COULD WHILE GETTING SHOT THE FUCK OUT. So I went out but took 4 guys down. My neck couldn't move, my back was paralysed, my leg disabled but I was pumped.
Successful
Our second last round was one of my worst. It was a field with tires everywhere and cars, the tires had gaps which I thought would be impossible to shoot through. I was wrong. It started and I was skipping acting pimp, I got shot in the neck and dropped dead. I got up and ran behind the tired looking for revenge. I found the bitch, shot her, she was supposed to go out, but she raged, ran at me, and shot me point blank in the back. I looked at her with a tear in my eye. I went from 120 bullets to 0 so fast! I never saw her again that day.
So the final round, was the most deadly. It was just our group. We had like 200 ammo each left, we went on an open field, and it was just a free for all. So he blew the whistle and we spread out, he blew the second whistle and mother fucker I got shot in the goggles before it went off, I was blind, I ran into a tree, 3 of the mother fuckers attack me, unloaded all the remaining bullets on me, as I got up and attempted to sprint only to fall numb from emotion and feeling. I thought, oh what the hell, I got up, and try to use what was left before I cried, the birthday upgraded machine gun dick came, unloaded on my front, my penis was hit, I used insults so bad! I didn't know they existed.
So anyway, at the hospital, I was taken in for the doctor to look at my limp bleeding piece of meat. Lucky for me it was a female ... So she touches it and the thing is, it hurt so fucking much , I was just gonna kick her in her non-existent testicles with my no longer functioning leg. So after a while the bleeding stopped, she gave me some medicine, told me to rest. I asked her to inspect my penis again whenever she wants, she refused (No jokes!).
She didn't refuse
AHAH no jokes.
So anyway, I'm sitting here, my neck won't turn, I'm typing with -5 of my usual typing fingers, my back is more cratered than the moon, my genital area will not be fertile for many springs to come, my left breast went from a -A cup to a D cup, my legs have become useless other than for decoration, my ass shits thickshakes, and I just want say. Fuck paintball, fuck all this shit.
I'm getting some Malibu and P-Juice bitches...
Mars- Admin
- IGN : Mars
Posts : 90
Join date : 2011-04-11
Location : Sydney
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Paintball :: Comments
Sat May 07, 2011 4:43 am by Light
Lol, I've only played paintball once, back when I was like 12 and it was in the forest.
Sat May 07, 2011 1:35 pm by Light
Hmm, I was born in America. Would you like to test how weak I am?
Sat May 07, 2011 1:48 pm by KcAoC
LMAO!.... I went paintballing before it was extremely fun, it didn't hurt much; my friends and I were wearing shorts(the instructor kept telling us to change but we didn't listen, he just gave us an advice saying it's not our fault if something happens to you) o.o. Americans are not weak T.T
Sat May 07, 2011 9:14 pm by Mars
KcAoC wrote:LMAO!.... I went paintballing before it was extremely fun, it didn't hurt much; my friends and I were wearing shorts(the instructor kept telling us to change but we didn't listen, he just gave us an advice saying it's not our fault if something happens to you) o.o. Americans are not weak T.T
That's some weak ass paintball. We had a huge rugby player and he was hurting like fuck too. The guys there were from the army and they were hurting like shit.
You guys are WEAK.
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